E.R.N.I.E. I Love It


I am the bringer of your wishes
Your saviour from doing work
The washer of your dishes
And you still get your midday perk
Estate agent your mansion
And pot of gold
All the home comforts
Before you’re getting tired and old

One more try try to get what you’ve never had
Five more bob for the whole world it can’t be bad
We can’t all win look it’s happening
The future’s looking not so bleak

A thousand winners every week
A thousand winners every week

So when you hear me coming
Along halls and up the stairs (ERNIE)
In the back of teapots
In the cupboard under chairs (ERNIE)
Forget all your wives’ tales
Of forecasts and dividends (ERNIE)
When Ernie feels vibrations
Only pays out to trusted friends

Congratulations you’ve just won
A five thousand pound premium bond

So keep your hand on the bottle
And your eyes screwed upon the set (ERNIE)
When the score comes up it could be you for the big one yet (ERNIE)
No thank you on the front page of the Currant Bun (ERNIE)
They think you stink but in the pub you’ll be number one

  • Owen The Nutter

    The spiritual antecedent to Blur’s ‘It Could Be You’ and always a favourite. Time to write a sequel about the Thunderball..?